


twenty seconds (or twenty years)

by Chesra



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 09:13:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20871773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chesra/pseuds/Chesra
Summary: For as long as Hiiragi remembers, he's had Shizusumi by his side.





	twenty seconds (or twenty years)

**Author's Note:**

> me: falls in love with the minor ship  
me: i can't believe how on-brand i am 
> 
> \--
> 
> anyway can u believe we're finally getting canon content for this ship!!! we are truly blessed

The first time Hiiragi Kashima meets Shizusumi Yagi, he thinks, strangely, _ oh. There you are. _

It was like finding a quarter buried deep under the couch seats in the middle of cleaning; something he wasn’t looking for, but was happy to find nonetheless. He’s been best friends with Yuki and Mafuyu all his life, a solid fact like the sun rising in the east. 

He knows they don’t mean to exclude him, but they have this special secret world made just for the two of them, and Hiiragi is loathe to overstep. Even in games, Yuki grabs Mafuyu’s hand first, always, and Mafuyu looks to Yuki every time he has to choose a partner, _ always. _Hiiragi has resigned himself to being a distant second, to both of them. 

So when Shizusumi comes along, he can’t help but be ecstatic, because now he has his fellow third wheel for the ride.

It isn’t as if Shizusumi is dislikeable - he’s the most easygoing person Hiiragi’s ever met, always willing, regardless of the consternation in his eyebrows at Yuki and Hiiragi’s unreasonable demands. Together the two of them make up the louder, rambunctious part of the friendship, Mafuyu and Shizusumi left to the background. Yuki dreams of a band, and Hiiragi’s just as eager. He’s always loved music, always loved performing. Together they’ve steamrollered school plays and school festivals, pouring their heart out to after school activities because there’s nothing to do at home. 

High school should have been an extension of middle school. Hiiragi isn’t much fond of change, regardless of his willingness to dye his hair and pierce his ears. He’s always wanted to be someone other than himself; he’s used to projecting, to pretending. Yuki’s likeable enough as he is already, and Mafuyu isn’t interested in other people at all. Hiiragi straddles the safe middle spot of that spectrum, desperate to be seen but not needing to throw himself into the spotlight. He knows he isn’t the easiest person to deal with, which is why he only has exactly three friends. But then again, that’s all he really needs, isn’t it?

Then Mafuyu chooses another school; moves farther away, and Hiiragi should have known that was the beginning of the end.

It feels unbalanced, with just the three of them, as they practice songs in the studio. Yuki has too much energy, and without Mafuyu to bounce it off to, he’s tense and irritable. And when he is with Mafuyu, they argue about everything - the band, their moms, their separate schools. Hiiragi doesn’t want to hear it, doesn’t want to be there. But their lives are so intrinsically linked, and to lose one of them is akin to a lost limb.

And then the impossible happens, and Hiiragi doesn’t know how to deal with the phantom pain that claws through his heart.

Even now Hiiragi doesn’t know how to deal with it. It’s cruel to pass by the train station to Yuki’s home; to see the empty seat in class. Sure, he’s not Yuki’s boyfriend, but he’d been his friend nonetheless; his bandmate, even, his - 

His throat clenches up, because Yuki is so many things to him, and to box him away as a memory feels like a betrayal. 

It’s in the sad days, after the funeral, when Mafuyu disappears from their life and everything is falling apart, that the light which is Shizusumi really shines. He’s there every time Hiiragi wants to cry, he’s there when he’s this close to giving up the band, he’s...there. Always there. And it’s the biggest comfort to Hiiragi, when it feels like he’s already lost two of his best friends in one go. 

Shizusumi has become his anchor throughout it all. Hiiragi is loath to become so helplessly dependent, but Shizusumi just lets him take; lets him copy his schoolwork when he’s lagging behind, lets him sleep on him when he’s too tired from band practice, even finds someone to help with the band when they’re this close to breaking up. Hiiragi had thought of giving it up, counting it as a loss, but it’s seems unforgiveable to what Yuki had fought so hard for, to the four of them and their friendship. So he can’t. Not this. 

Not when it’s the only thing that keeps him tied to the only person left.

Sometimes Hiiragi looks at Shizusumi and thinks, _ maybe_. And then he buries that thought to the farthest recesses of his mind, locking it up where it’ll never see the light of day, because - 

Because if Yuki and Mafuyu hadn’t made it, then how would they? 

He can’t be selfish about this, because he knows that Shizusumi would just go along, nod and smile, give everything Hiiragi wants if his lower lip starts to quiver or if he complains too many times in a month...if Hiiragi so much as said “I want a boyfriend,” he thinks Shizusumi would drop everything and be with him. He always has. Just to make Hiiragi happy.

And he refuses to make that terrible decision. It’s ruined one friendship already, he’s not risking another one. He loves Shizusumi too much to do that to him.

“Ehh,” Mafuyu says, expression suspiciously flat over the words Hiiragi isn’t saying. It’s just the two of them, today - it had been the two of them first, really, before Yuki had come along and then Shizusumi. Hiiragi wants to think he knows Mafuyu best, out of anyone else, but the truth is Mafuyu knows Hiiragi best, out of anyone else, and the familiarity is so comforting. 

Hiiragi just rolls his eyes. “How’s your boyfriend?” he asks, if only to change the topic. He’s still not sure how he feels about Mafuyu’s new boyfriend. He’s nothing like Yuki.

Not that Hiiragi wanted Mafuyu to date someone like Yuki at all - the thought just makes his heart clench - but the fact that Mafuyu is slowly moving on, becoming someone different...it still terrifies him, a little. They’re growing up, day by day, and soon their childhood friendship will be nothing but a memory. 

If they can fall apart like this, then how else is he supposed to hold on to Shizusumi?

“He’s fine,” Mafuyu responds, with an easy shrug. “You should spend more time with him. I think you’ll like him.”

Hiiragi only scoffs at that. That kind of guy isn’t his type at all. 

“How’s Shizu-chan?” Mafuyu asks, and if Hiiragi narrows his eyes at him, wondering what it means that Mafuyu’s deflecting the same question to him in the same vein - that Mafuyu’s jokingly asked before, when they were getting together, and Hiiragi had only yelled at him for presuming. There’s nothing between them. Hiiragi won’t let there be.

“He’s still at work,” Hiiragi says. “He’ll get out later.” The fact that he’s going to pass by and pick Hiiragi on his way home is unsaid. 

He’s not _ blind _ to the casual affection, and what it might mean. It’s not even a question of whether or not Shizusumi likes him or not - they’ve been friends for years, that should count for something. Besides, he doesn’t deserve Shizusumi and his devotion, regardless of the fact that he demands it anyway. One day there will be someone else, and Hiiragi will live with that. Shizusumi will pour all his efforts to someone who can properly return them, not someone weighed by guilt and frustration and helpless longing, and it will be better for both of them. 

Mafuyu nods. “I’ve been working on a song,” he says, and picks up his guitar - Yuki’s guitar, as bright red as his passion. It doesn’t suit Mafuyu at all, who would have never chosen anything flashy. But it’s in his hands now, even if he doesn’t play as well. He’s strumming a few chords, humming along. 

The song he’d sung a few months back had been the one Yuki had been trying to put into words - a fact that had eluded and frustrated him. How cruel it is now that Mafuyu had gone and written it for him, now that he can no longer hear it. 

That Mafuyu has a new song now to sing. 

Hiiragi listens anyway.

Later on, after Hiiragi’s mocked Mafuyu’s guitar skills and said nothing else about the song, he finally gets the text he’s waiting for, and says his goodbyes. “Say hello to Shizu-chan for me,” Mafuyu says, as he heads out of the door. Hiiragi pretends not to have heard him. He breaks into a run once he hits the pavement. Mafuyu’s song is ringing in his ears, and oddly enough there’s hope hammering in his heart. Hope for what, he can’t exactly say, but he feels - alive. Then he catches sight of Shizusumi, standing outside of the train station, and warmth blossoms in his chest like a sunburst. 

“Hey,” he calls out as he skids to a stop in front of him, unable to keep the smile off his face. Even if only one person has faith in him, as long as it’s Shizusumi, it should be enough. “There you are.”


End file.
